Dr. Darlene Treese
PO Box 547
Windermere, FL 34786
(480) 296-3358

New Office Address
2295 S. Hiawassee Rd,
Suite 309
Orlando, FL 32835
Phone: 407-278-1598 Fax:407-203-0803

March Newsletter

How To Spruce Up Your Relationship

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Have you ever been in a relationship that started out with love and ended with hate? Have you ever been passionately attracted to someone and then found yourself bored and disinterested as time went on? Have you ever loved and trusted someone in the beginning only to feel bitter and betrayed in the end? Relationships do not sour in one day. They deteriorate over time. If you know what signs to look for, you can avoid destruction and bitterness and stay in love, passion and trust with your partner.

A relationship between two people is a dance of two energy fields. The mental, emotional, and physical energies of one person interact with the same energies of the partner. In the course of all relationships, there come times where obstacles occur to block the smooth flow of those energies. When problems arise you stop feeling good about your partner and the relationship is no longer fun. You can pretend the problem doesn't exist and hope it will disappear, or you can solve the problem and come to some agreement about it.

In solving problems with your mate, you may have noticed strange phenomena. You make up after an argument, and then a short time later you start fighting all over again. There is an explanation for this frustrating pattern. You are never fighting for the reason you think. You are fighting because you are not feeling loved, supported, respected or understood by the other person. Two people will get into an argument if there is a weakness in their emotional connection and it stops the flow of love between them. Solving the issue won't resolve the real source of the problem - which is emotional distance and separation.

Look at your reactions to your partner and see if they are rooted in disagreement or disapproval. Disagreement occurs on the mental or rational level. You may disagree with a decision that they make. Disapproval, on the other hand, happens on the emotional level. Disagreement turns to disapproval when you start withdrawing emotionally from your partner. Disapproval says "You made a choice I don't agree with, so I can't love you as much as before. I'm pulling away now." Disapproval of others turns small disagreements into big issues. If you notice that you are constantly disapproving of your partner, it's a sign that there is a tremendous amount of underlying tension in your relationship.

The reason why couples hardly ever fight at the beginning of the relationship is that there is no emotional tension that has built up. Mark my words: The funny little habits your partner has are "cute" at the beginning and over time will be the very things that drive you crazy! You can notice yourself changing from disagreeing (healthy) to disapproving (not healthy) when you catch yourself assigning negative qualities to your partner's character. This happens when you move from evaluating the problem to evaluating the person.

The answer is not found in dumping your mate, for the same process is going to occur in every relationship. The answer is not found in focusing on the specific issue. With every couple I have counseled, the ultimate answer was that neither of them felt loved enough. All their little issues were safe ways to express their resentments and hurts without really dealing with the important issue - not enough love. The major cause of conflict between two people is a lack of strong positive emotional connection.

The closer you become with a partner, the more your unexpressed and repressed feelings will surface. When you are reminded of the hurt of not being loved in the past, you might also emotionally separate from your current partner and tend to overreact to things that happen to you. This occurs in our relationships all of the time. Even if the new relationship is wonderful, those old feelings of pain and fear will tend to surface for the purpose of healing and release. This is why we tend to overreact, dramatize and fight over nothing. Old emotions are surfacing, and you are using the relationship as an opportunity to get rid of those emotions at last.

Some people avoid conflict as if their life depended on it. Actually, the opposite is true. Your aliveness and growth depend on dealing successfully with conflict and using it as a springboard of self-discovery. An intimate relationship is a guaranteed way to do some emotional housekeeping. With the right tools learned in counseling and hypnosis, that process of clearing out old hurts, resentments and fears can be one of the most exciting adventures of your life and create the kind of relationship that you have always wanted!

Dr. Darlene Treese has been in private practice in hypnosis and counseling since 1983. She has been internationally acknowledged for her positive action and solution-based therapies with individuals, groups and corporations. "A person for the people," Dr. Dar is always available to help you get a grip on life, health and happiness.

Contact us today to schedule your appointment for an office visit, email or telephone consultation - (480) 296-3358 - or click on Contact Us to send an email.