Dr. Darlene Treese
PO Box 547
Windermere, FL 34786
(480) 296-3358

New Office Address
2295 S. Hiawassee Rd, Suite 309
Orlando, FL 32835
Phone: 407-278-1598 Fax:407-203-0803

July Newsletter

The Nature of Violence and
The Solutions of Nonviolence

"The path of true nonviolence requires much more courage than violence." - Mahatma Gandhi

Conflicts can be predicted in any society by circumstances that lead to feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, isolation and despair. These feelings lead to frustration and anger and often erupt into violence. In this context, we can understand why desperate people do desperate things.

Violence is common in our daily encounters as well. Your individual response to situations is based on your personal "set point." What are the conditions that create your feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, isolation and despair? When are the times that you lash out in anger, frustration or physical and verbal violence? To heal the world, we must first heal ourselves. To heal ourselves, we must own up to what we feel and what we do - without blaming any other person, event or circumstance. This first step allows us to find solutions.

We have been taught to think in terms of rewards and punishments. Nonviolent communication requires going beyond that to identify what we need, what we want and what can we do to make life better. It asks what you can do for me, what I can do for you and what we can do for ourselves. This is where simple tactics require practice in changing thoughts to become lasting solutions.

Think about a situation where someone is not behaving the way you want them to. Nonviolent communications requires that you honestly define what you need without implying wrongness, criticism, insult or judgment. Labeling the other person causes self-fulfillment and intensifies the conflict between you.

A classic example is a conflict between parent and child about household chores. The common response is to set up rewards and punishments (which you must always be there to enforce) or to critically insult the kid (you are lazy). In nonviolent communication, the parent describes how they are feeling (annoyed) because of their need that is not being met (keeping a clean, orderly, safe environment). The parent then states in very clear terms exactly what behavior is wanted. "Clean your room" is too vague - say instead "hang up your clothes, make your bed and put your dirty clothes in the hamper."

It's important to ask the kid what is interfering with the task completion and teach them to go through the same communication process with you. Guide them to express what they are feeling and needing- without criticism, wrongness, insult or judgment-and what can make life better for everyone concerned.

Your bottom line in any conflict is to have "power with" rather than "power over." "Power with" is getting people to do things willingly, because they see how everyone will benefit - including them. One of the most powerful ways to do this is to show that you are just as interested in their needs as your own. People in any situation will be more concerned about your well-being when you share power with them rather than over them.

In any personal conflict, wouldn't this be what you would want for yourself?

In any international conflict, wouldn't this be what you would want for your world?

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Dr. Darlene Treese has been in private practice in hypnosis and counseling since 1983. She has been internationally acknowledged for her positive action and solution-based therapies with individuals, groups and corporations. "A person for the people," Dr. Dar is always available to help you get a grip on life, health and happiness.

Contact us today to schedule your appointment for an office visit, email or telephone consultation - (480) 296-3358 - or click on Contact Us to send an email.