Dr. Darlene Treese
Building Confidence To Move Forward
"Confidence, like art, never comes from having all the answers; it comes
Think for a moment about those places where you are "stuck." Allow yourself to fully experience the uncertainty, the feeling of overwhelm or "not having all the information," and the fear and doubt of whether you are doing the right thing. Whether you are at a crossroads on your career path, defining a relationship, feeling the need to communicate difficult things or facing a decision where neither option appeals to you, there are some common aspects to the place of "being stuck."
The first aspect is avoidance. We tend to ignore those things that take courage and confidence outside of our comfort zone, hoping somehow that the problem will resolve itself. Every difficult question that lies before you is there on purpose - to keep you mindful of what you want and what you do not and to keep your life "on purpose." Ignoring or side-stepping these issues only allow them to take form in another venue. As Yogi Berra said, "It's deja-vu all over again!" Until you address what challenge is before you with positive action, it will reappear in a different way as another chance to redefine your response.
The second aspect is rationalization. We as humans have a tendency to want to know "why" about everything before we formulate the answers to our situations. If we do not know the answers, we make up stories to fill in the blanks. Often these stories about other people and their motivations are not true, but they let us keep up the struggle with us being "right" and they being "wrong or uninformed or misguided." This rationalization traces back to early man's attempts to define what he did not understand about the universe and we continue that tradition in our personal universes today. To break this cycle, make up at least three completely different scenarios that contradict your current rationalization, admit that you do not - and may never know - the whole story, and be comfortable with not knowing at the present moment. Often the "why" of things is not apparent until we look back in wonder at the direction that particular challenge or tough decision led us and marvel at all the good that has resulted.
It is more important to your success to just get on with it. To move beyond the stuck places, accept yourself and others as they are and look at situations through the eyes of "what is" rather than "what if." When you give up your need to explain everything, your next step becomes very obvious and easy and you will have the confidence you desire. Let your subconscious mind guide you rather than forcing what you think is right to occur. Relax and be grateful in each difficult situation for it is there to serve you. Know that as you solve each problem, a more difficult problem will be presented to you in order for you to take the next step forward.
Remember how you taught your kids how to walk by placing what they desired just a little bit out of their reach? Smile and realize that this is the process throughout your life. Encourage those around you in their tough decisions. Help them face whatever difficulty or decision is before them. Tell them to shut down the "mind chatter" about victim-hood, to let go of false expectations and how they think things "should be" or the "what ifs" that prevent them from moving forward. As you encourage others in the new ways of decision making that you are now using, your outcomes and answers are based in the confidence you truly desired.
Dr. Darlene Treese, LPC, LMHC has been in private practice in hypnosis, coaching, counseling and consulting for over 30 years. She has been internationally acknowledged for her positive action and solution-based therapies with individuals, groups and corporations. "A person for the people," Dr. Dar is always available to help you get a grip on life, health and happiness to take that next step forward in creating the life you truly desire. She offers sessions at her Orlando office, as well as telephone and email consultations.
The services she offers include premarital and relationship counseling, marriage enrichment, personality tests and couple compatibility inventories, communication and mediation skills, dealing with the hard problems of abuse, addictions and affairs, CSI (couple sensitive individual therapy), Discernment Counseling for couples on the brink of divorce, and surviving divorce and single parenting.
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