Distorted Thinking That We All Do When We're Not At Our Best - "Mind Reading"

When you are mind reading you make judgments about others without really knowing the truth. You may say "He's just acting that way because he's jealous" or "She just married him for his money" or "He's afraid to show me that he cares." There's no evidence that these things are true, but it just seems right to you. Mind readers make assumptions about how others are feeling and what motivates them.

As a mind reader, you also make assumptions about how people react to you. You may say "I'm so smart I intimidate people" or "He thinks I'm a threat so he is going to fire me" or "She thinks I'm ugly." All of these assumptions are usually untested and are based on hunches or vague misgivings due to one or two past experiences.

Mind reading comes from a process called projection. You imagine that people feel the same way you do and will react the same way you would. Because you already "know," you don't pay attention closely enough to notice that they are actually reacting differently than you would. If you get angry when someone is late, you assume that everyone would react the same way. If you are very judgmental about certain characteristics or traits, you believe that everyone shares your prejudices. Mind readers jump to conclusions that are true for them without checking to see if indeed it is true for the other person.

What area of your life or what current or past situation may be causing you angst due to mind reading? How have your relationships suffered? What is another way to look at it?

Next Week: Distorted Thinking - Catastrophizing